Grace’s Web Home

It has come to my attention that as I go for my daily walk, or run an errand while on foot, I notice that it is rare to encounter someone looking me in the eye, save the older generation. If people aren’t texting, messaging, calling, emailing, or downloading, they seem to be fiddling with their ipod or blackberry as they rush away through the beautiful sunshine. Enjoying God’s green earth around me I do not understand why you would distract yourself in this manner at one o’clock in the afternoon on a spring day. So I decided to investigate.

Now, I asked a fellow colleague, who was complaining about how her boyfriend hadn’t texted her within the hour,why exactly this was a problem. She told me that she needs to know what he is doing and he likes to know what she is doing throughout the day. Soon after she told me this he texted her. A hugh sigh of relief came over her, “thank God, (he texted), I couldn’t get a hold of you all day!”

Maybe it’s just me, but I long for the days when I used to see people trust their significant other, or be able to function without having to talk to them( or someone) every hour that they are apart or need to make a decision. A lot of people seem to act like it is the end of the world if they cannot consult somebody about colour they should pick out on a quick call from the cell phone in the clothing store or if their wife would prefer broccoli or beans for dinner. Pick one!

I myself almost became victim to this when shopping for some of our wedding decorations. I was in the store trying to decide what kind of candles I should buy and thinking to myself,” If only I had a cell phone, I could call Ken and get him to help me make the decision”. At the moment a sick feeling came into my stomach : Had I become someone who couldn’t make a small decision without the advice of someone else? It was like I had decided to stop thinking and making decisions for myself and act as though I had never even listened to what my husband wanted. Thank God I came to my senses and made the decision and never looked back.

It made me think about how much we as a society invade the personal space of our friends and family on a constant basis. We use every piece of electronic devices to check up on people, have other people make our decisions, not even realizing what it going on all around us. I believe that very few people are able to work on themselves and discover who they are becauset they take no time for personal growth, time away from others, time to be there own person.

So I challenge anyone reading this: tomorrow morning, leave your cell phone at home. Leave your blackberry at the office. Try not answering every email as though you are so desperate for attention. Do not rush to the phone as soon as you walk in the door to check the messages. Go for walk. Take some time for you. I know it’s a big decision, but ….maybe you do have it in you to make that decision on your own. (p.s. don’t text your best friend to decide if this is a good idea or not)!

G

So, after four days of the beautiful busy bustle of Easter weekend’s beginning, I decided I should rest for a moment and catch an afternoon nap. However, as I lay down on my couch, the pipes in my kitchen sink started to make a funny noise.  About a half and hour later, I found the taps turned ON and running hot and cold water…I still don’t know how this is possible….

G-force

Last week, a great aunt of mine passed away. Her name, Auntie Lena, a treasure of our family.  It was actually one of the happiest memorial services’ I have ever attended.  Everyone was shaking hands, laughing, telling stories, taking pictures and the music and message during the service was very unlifting. The occasional tear was shed, but really a celebration of her life and the life to come was the true focus. 

Auntie Lena was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease ten years ago and since then had been living in different instituitions in Edmonton up until her death. Having known her mostly with the disease, the service was a great chance to learn that she volunteered in the prisons, with church, out in the community, worked at the local Co-op, lived in Drayton Valley; things I never knew about her.

During the tribute to her, her two son in laws stood up and spoke about her life, and how happy they were that they got to know what she liked so that in her dying years, when she couldn’t tell them, she could still be happy because they knew which radio station to turn on, which clothes were her favourite, etc…

And of course, Uncle Paul, her husband was there and he looked better than I had seen him in years.  I myself am marrying a man who stuck by me in times of illness. And I know that if something like that ever happened to my husband, I would never leave his side either. …You see, I think what attracts me to people is there spirit and life force, that is always constant. In regards to Ken, it’s really not what he can do for me but that his very being, his spirit, his soul is what draws me to him. And no matter what can happen to him, on this earth until he passes on, that will always be with him and I will always want to be by him because of this.

Alzheimer’s does run in families, so,I just thought I would let you know a few things about myself in case one day my memory is not quite so good. ..

Chocolate mousse is my favourite dessert, I really enjoy my meals and home cooking is the best. I like to get dressed up and go out to functions like dances, even if I am just watching.  I ‘ll listen to almost any type of music in my car as long as it is played really loud and I can sing along. I like having Sunday afternoons for family time and feel this is the best day to make soup for supper.   I do not like raisons or tuna and I like my hair off my neck sometimes, and sometimes flowing over my back.   Enough to think about yet?

They the one son in law ended the service with a a reading from proverbs…( a few words different in their version)

” A capable wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm, all the days of her life.  She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from far away. She rises while it is still night and provides food for her household and tasks for her servant-girls. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.  She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hand to the needy. She is not afraid for her household when it snows, for all her household are clothed in crimson. ”

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.  Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband too, and her praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (proverbs 31: 10-21,26-31.)

I hope that one day, I will earn the honour of being described this way.

 Grace

I have recently been struggling with a personal issue, one of which I only dread thinking about and raise the level of anxiety in my chest over considerably as I sit on my couch and contemplate what my life is all about. You see, I thought it was an issue between someone I know and myself, but I have since discovered that it is about me.  And for some reason, writing it down for someone to read is what I need to do.  If I don’t, I fear I will never resolve it. 

 I sit on my couch and think to myself : I am sad at the moment; but ten minutes ago, I was okay. Happy, feeling good, feeling as though my confidence could never be broken.  However, as I sit on the couch, I find myself staring at the coffee table, then my bible, then the phone, then my cross stitch project, then the sun streaming through the window.  And the anxiety starts…

With what? with a question I ask myself almost everyday:Do people really know who I am and do they care and respect me enough to love me in all my human dignity?Do they make the effort?and then, the bigger question: Do we do this for each other enough in the world?

Maybe because it’s dinner time and I am accustomed to and love sitting around the table with people at meal times…

However, there is something to this and another issue that has been bothering me the last while.  I try to do the best I can in everything, and of course, everyone expects everyone else to do their best, whether this happens or not.  However, even when I do my best and get great results, some people are still hostile toward me and reject the good result.  In fact, I often notice that when I put little effort in people are more apt to applaud me for it.

When I put in great effort with some of my friends or people I know and make plans with them, I often get stood up or rejected. 

you see, there’s too problems for me.  One:I don’t like playing games, if you want to do something with someone, then do it, if not, don’t.  Two: when people become involved in a friendship, we owe it to one another to be as Christlike and encouraging and supportive to the other person as possible.  Of course, Christ teaches us to do good works without expectation, and I agree. 

I do not expect rewards for doing good deeds or being a good friend or person, and I never have. It’s a great way to live life and it brings me joy everyday because it’s a simple lifestyle.

To my friends who do love me enough and show me, who keep committments, who do not get jealous of me, but encouarge me to grow, who help me grow, who show me respect, a HUGE Thank you.  For although I do not expect it, my soul is raised and my joy is great when you do these things for me in his name.  Please do not think I think little of you, for the reality is, in my human nature, I hold you in high esteem. For I do not expect things and have learned to put this at my core because my Lord commands me to be humble and greatful, not to place blame or my expectation on people.  That is his job.  My job is to live out my life in his name, to his expectation. 

If you cannot meet me for coffee when you say (with no valid reason ie, sickness), take the time and make the effort for me in some way, or any other excuse you make to yourself, please stop pretending to be my friend; you are only convincing yourself to settle for less and then, you act less. 

do not run after what you think is less, always strive for more.  The dread I feel stated above is how we often run after less, but we don’t strive to be the best we can; IN EVERYTHING. 

I myself am resolved to live a life where I will try to do the best I can in everything, treat people the best I can, live the best I can, all for him.

huh…whadda ya know..I feel better already…

Hello there o reader,

In the last five or so years, I have found that the cool, calm, collectedness of my youth was thrown out the door for a very scared and unsettled young woman. However, I decided last year the my motto for the year and continuing on was going to be “make me an instrument of thy peace.” Although I do not always succeed, I find that I am becoming more content and peaceful, confident and fun loving as I used to be.

I have also discovered that I needed to be more trusting of God. However, I also do well when I have role models. Thankfully I am blessed with wonderful female role models in my life that I can relate to; and the more I read my scripture, I find them written among the beautiful passages.

Which brings me to my topic of Judith. As I sat down to read my scripture tonight, I thought I might share my perspective on an small passage in the book of Judith.

The prayer of Judith is a very powerful one and actually was not the passage I was going to speak of, but a prelude if you will. Judith is praying about her enemies and how they rape and defile women, about their infliction of pain and suffering, and how all their works go against the Covenant. Here is the part that I find interesting….After crying out to the Lord, she bathes, puts on her best attire and leaves the gates of her guarded home, with her hand maidens, on a mission of God to confront the enemy. Judith is then captured by the enemy, as she had intended to see Holofernes, the commander.

So she is in the camp, surrounded by these same enemies, but the words she speaks, the way she carries herself, the determination and the confidence in her words are enough to spare her very life. And so the passage reads ” I am on my way to see Holofernes the commander of your army,to give him a true report: I will show him a way that by which he can go and capture all the hill country without losing one of his men, captured or slain.”(Judith 10:13). Now here she is offering this enemy a way to slain her own people ( later found out to be trickery of course ), but this is NOT what actually saves her life. The following scripture reads ,” When the men heard her words and observed her face-she was in their eyes, marvelously beautiful” (Judith 14). Now some might say it was because of the asthetics, but I also believe it was because they admired her words, her boldness, and that she did not appear to be afraid. In fact, later on in Judith 10:19,”they marveled in her beauty and admired the Israelites, judging them by her. They said to one another, who can despise these people, who have women like this among them?”

Myself, I can’t imagine walking up to an army camp of the enemy and demanding to speak to the commander, knowing myself that I would most likely be defiled. And yet, here this woman is, being so bold to walk into the camp to really bring down the enemy and the persuasion is seen in her face, her expression, her eyes, her boldness, her words. I find this passage so powerful.

Although I have not studied Judith enough to appreciate the fullness of her mission, I pray I be that bold as I walk out the door into a secular world, that I may change a small part of the world with the words I speak;with the expression of my face because in that expression is the authentic human and God like image that I alone am; that each of us was given by God to use on his mission. I often find that beauty is the expression, not the asthetic, which people see and allows God to enter into their hearts.

Today I thank God for giving me the example of Judith.

Grace

Dear Reader,

I have just finished watching a very truth seeking, touching movie called “Wit”. An excellent film to be sure, the closet to the realism of the health care system and patient’s experiences with Cancer that I have ever seen. It made me think about so many things..some of which I will write tomorrow but one thought for today….What does it take to be a great nurse?

In each profession I would say that you could train a person to learn skills and be competent in them. However, I believe that there must be some kind of intrinsic quality that allows that person to perform optimally. And I thought to myself, “What is nursing all about? What is the truth or the lesson of humanity that nursing truly contributes to make this world the way it should be?

You could train any person to hang an IV medication, teach a patient to change an ostomy, teach crutch walking or answer phones and take doctor orders. However, this is not what nurses add to the greater picture.

I walked up to a patient the other day who was sitting outside with her family. Remarkable to see her up, I went over to her as I was walking in for my shift and said hello, put my arm around her and conversed with her family. Motivating a person to get up an walk after hip surgery, offering coffee to a dying patients’family, making anyone on your unit smile for any reason, being able to work through terrible abuse from patients, going home and not crying every single day because sickness is not only your work but part of your life…singing a patient a song…..The list is endless but I believe that these qualities are what it takes to be A.) Be a nurse, B.) Be a great nurse, and C.) make a contribution to this work that seeks out what life is all about and offers it to others. It is not that I have given pain medication to a patient so that they may be strong enough to go for a walk…it is that I am the arm around their waist, walking with them, telling jokes and making them smile. That is what nursing is all about…

I wrote this letter in March of 2005 while in the Great White North. I just wanted to share a small segment of what I experience on a daily basis.

Hello Everyone,

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Especially to all you Irish out there, St. Patrick is one to be proud of! I just got off night shift and you might think I am really tired, but I had an amazing night. Three of my patients are palliative care, that means they are going to die within a short period of time. Sometimes people think night shift is boring, or really hard to get through, but I never find that.

Tonight a lady who probably only has days left, rang for me to come to her side. She kept saying she didn’t feel right, felt funny, and would make excuses to see me. The funny thing is, she didn’t have to make excuses, I would just go and see her anyway. We sat and talked about what dying meant to her and how she was ever going to get through her last days. She told me she wanted to see the priest in the morning, so I arranged for it. She asked me if there was anything else she could do for herself and I told her ” If you believe that God has a plan, and a time and a place for you, you will know in your heart everything will be alright and you do your part, and God will do his.” She smiled and went to sleep.

I don’t know if she will be there tomorrow or the next day, but I do know, God has a plan for her and God will touch her in ways before her death that not even she will know about until they arrive.

God sends us people from all different walks of life to change our lives. She told me that I may have changed hers, but I don’t think she realizes how much she has impacted mine… I think even more so. And I get these amazing experiences in my life everyday by just going to work. I am very fortunate in my practice and career to get to learn exactly what I should be doing right now so I don’t look back with any regrets. I get to learn the mistakes people made and not make them for myself. I get the knowledge of all the elderly I work with and I have learned so much about what’s really important in life. I guess the most common things I hear are ” Don’t drink, don’t smoke”, “Get to know your family”, “I wish I would have treated my spouse better”, “Have good clean fun”, and ” count your blessings”. I consider myself priviledged to get this information just in my daily work. It’s like I have a foresight that I let touch me so I can be a better person.

Believe that God is working in your life, even when you don’t feel it.

God Bless,
Grace

Hello to all, My name is Grace and welcome to my website!! I find it very hard to tell people who I am and what defines a person as such but I will do my best. I am a child of God, a nurse by day and night, a sister 24/7. I spend my time hanging out with friends, being in love, singing, playing guitar, volunteering, and getting outdoors (plus many others). I hope you will enjoy this website and feel free to share any comments.